sonnymoon for two

Most Confusing Spam of the Week

2011-12-15T08:34:00.000-05:00

Math Tutor Is Urgently Needed....!!!

Hello Teacher ,

Good day to you over there,i am Paul Clement I need a tutor for my child base on your advert ,i got your advert while surfing through the Internet and i really want my child to be taught by you..Joey is 12yrs old and easily catch up.Although,i understand you are in the USA but I've arranged with my Caregiver living in over there that my child is coming to stay with him for his period of tutoring and he had agreed with me. I want you to get back to me with following details:

1)Your present residence address and tel #

2)Total cost of tutoring for 1 months (2 hour per day 3 days /week)

3)Your years of teaching experience.

Payment via cashier's check,looking

Am very happy that i see you as my child ( MATH ) teacher and about your year of Experience there is not problem about the lessons,my cousin lives close to you area so that is no problem for the lesson OK my cousin will be bringing her to your location for the lessons and you can teach her at your place if that is OK by you so i will like you to teach her the best of you when she get to the USA for the lessons and email me with your schedule for the lessons...i will like you to email me with the name on the check and the address where the check will be mailed to and including your Home phone number because my associate that want to issue the check is leaving the country tomorrow okay and also (Joey) is a beginner lessons learning AND SHE IS VERY FLUENT IN ENGLISH ?kindly send me the name and address and phone number for payment, Awaiting your response asap.

Also the lessons will commence by th of Dec 15th is this ok by you?

forward to hearing from you soonest.

Regards to you and your family

Paul Clement

Researchers State The Obvious

2011-12-14T08:41:00.002-05:00

This just in, from The Washington Post:

The benefits of athletes smoking pot

A new study finds some athletes who smoke marijuana reported a decrease in anxiety and tension.

The researchers who conducted the study wrote in the American Journal of Sports Medicine that “smoked cannabis can decrease anxiety, fear, depression and tension.” Well, duh, you don't have to be a genius to reach that conclusion. Um, yeah, I'm sure the athletes got, like, totally mellow. No doubt the weed made 'em stupider, too—its debilitating effect on short-term memory is well documented ("What did the coach tell me to do with the ball?"). And inhaling all that crap doesn't do the lungs much good, either.

Maybe this explains why the Washington Redskins are such a mediocre team—they're passing around a doobie before hitting the field! Here's a thought: Maybe Dan Snyder should join them in their pre-game huddle; it might make him less of an uptight S.O.B. (Just kidding, Dan—don't sue me!)

You could substitute "athletes" with any group of people, and "marijuana" with any number of mood-altering substances to come up with similar stories:

The benefits of housewives drinking wine

A new study finds some housewives who drink alcohol reported a decrease in anxiety and tension.

The benefits of rock musicians shooting smack

A new study finds some rock musicians who inject heroin reported a decrease in anxiety and tension.

The benefits of dental patients using laughing gas

A new study finds some dental patients who inhale nitrous oxide reported a decrease in anxiety and tension.

The Last Roundup

2011-12-12T15:25:00.001-05:00

Better git on down here afore all the rockets vamoose, pardner!

I'm Banned and I'm Proud

2011-12-09T16:30:00.006-05:00

Rush Limbaugh has repeatedly referred to Mrs. Obama as "Moochelle." Mr. Limbaugh also suggested that if she were to appear on his show, he would use the song "Baby Got Back" (a song about women with large derrieres) as the intro music. If you're unclear on the concept, allow me share this photo of what a big fat ass looks like:

It turns out that, thanks to Rush Limbaugh, the derogatory term for the First Lady has fallen into common usage, particularly on the Internet (where else?). The other day, I googled the offending nickname and there are hundreds of links. I clicked on one at random, and stumbled into a strange world of Obama haters. This particular post showed a video (from FOX News, natch) of the President and the First Lady at an event commemorating 9/11; Mrs. Obama leans over and says something to her husband, and he responds. There is a band playing—"Amazing Grace" if I remember correctly—and you can't hear the exchange. The blogger writes: "as firefighters and police are respectfully folding Our Flag, Fat Cow Moochelle says to her husband, 'All this just for a flag?' — He looks her in the eyes and with sarcasm in his eyes and mouth and nods in agreement. She then shakes her head and looks away in disgust."
There's clearly some creative interpretation as to what passed between the President and First Lady, and the meaning therein. With help, no doubt, from a FOX News commentator, the blogger has constructed his own fantasy about what happened. In his mind, the Obamas are America-hating, Jihad-loving, commie traitors.
As long as I had come this far, I figured I'd leave a comment. Below is a transcript of the meeting of the minds. I particularly enjoyed the comment by "holycow122," who displays both a keen analytical mind and an impressive command of the English language.

sonnymoon42

December 8, 2011 at 8:55 PM

Calling Mrs. Obama a “fat cow” is in pretty poor taste. Say what you will about the President, but at least have the decency to leave the man’s family out of it.

By the way, you must have remarkable auditory powers to have heard what the First Lady actually said to the her husband in the video clip. And incredible interpretive skills as well, to discern “sarcasm” in the President’s eyes and mouth as he responds.

barenakedislam

December 8, 2011 at 9:17 PM

sonny, she IS a fat cow. Sorry for the insult to cows.

Stephen Rohaty

December 8, 2011 at 9:27 PM

Sonny, you don’t have to HEAR to read lips. In any case, even a clown like you noticed that she was TALKING, WHATEVER she actually said, during that sacred ceremony, which obviously meant NOTHING to her.

GrouchyFogie

December 8, 2011 at 9:28 PM

Sonnymoon42,,,
I have been a lipreader for over 50 years,,, Further, I am trained in reading and understanding body language,,,

FURTHER, There are those here of greater education and abilities than I have, who know bloody damn well what she said,,, and who have more in-depth training in the psychological arts, to interpret what the president said,,,
I pray you do not demean the talents of those who have made such arts and sciences their life’s work.

sonnymoon42

December 8, 2011 at 10:15 PM

I have no idea what Mrs. Obama said to her husband, and neither do any of you.You’re all simply projecting your own negative interpretations. And referring to the First Lady as “Moochelle” shows a complete lack of class. Like I said, the President’s fair game, but his family is not. You tend to lose credibility with people who otherwise might be sympathetic to your point of view when you stoop to name-calling.

But, hey, it’s your blog, don’t let me spoil your fun.

barenakedislam

December 8, 2011 at 10:49 PM

sonny, we have a rule here, say anything nice about the muslim-in-chief or his MooCow, and you get automatically banned. Liberals get banned here for many reasons, but this is #1. Buh Bye.

holycow122

December 8, 2011 at 10:57 PM

i see such comtempt and hatred with both these colored ”people” who are mascarading as white house first couple, they hate amercia, are only in it for the money and trips and whatever booty they can grab, she does nothing for this nation, gets involved with no public service to help anyone but herself, and is just as nasty as he is. He would not even wear an american flag lapel nor put his hand over his heart when reciting the pledge, and she said at least a few times ”God damn america” and other horrible things about this country, then why in the world would she want to be part of being the first lady? they both ought to move to liberia in africa. the usa who have given them the highest public office in the land and they continue to spit on it. I cant think of anything bad enough to call either of them. i hope they lose much in life and have many tragic things happen to them they way bad things happened to those who got killed in 9/11. i just can not for the life of me understand why they want to tear down this country only people who have nothing but hatred and comtempt want to do this. they are both souless and have no conscious. they are a disgrace and i am ashamed to say they are the president, i cant wait for them to get out of the white house. 4 years ago was not soon enough for me to see them gone.

GrouchyFogie

December 8, 2011 at 10:59 PM

Typical Liberal stance,,,

If you cannot understand something yourself, or have no way to refute, then demean the abilities of those who do understand the situation, and the ability to defend their stance,,,

Poor guy,,, now he can go sulk in his own pity-party,,, as he doesn’t have the ability to perceive the whole picture himself, therefore, neither does anyone else,,, Typical

So, after two comments, I am forever banned from the site, because I didn't insult the President or the First Lady. And darned proud of it, too. The blog, if you are interested in this sort of nonsense, is here.

With a Name Like Smucker's® ...

2011-12-08T11:27:00.006-05:00

... It most likely contains high-fructose corn syrup.

Smucker's Chocolate Fudge Topping: Corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, water, nonfat milk, modified corn starch, cocoa, chocolate, partially hydrogenated cottonseed and soybean oils, contains 2% or less of: powdered sugar, palm oil, salt, vanillin (artificial flavor), soy lecithin
Smucker's Butterscotch Flavored Syrup: Corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, nonfat milk, fructose, corn starch modified, contains 2% or less of: whey protein concentrate (from milk), salt, natural flavor, potassium sorbate (preservative), polysorbate 60, sodium citrate, disodium phosphate, yellow 5, yellow 6
Smucker's Peach Preserves: Peaches, high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, fruit pectin, citric acid
Smucker's Seedless Blackberry Jam: Blackberries, high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, sugar, fruit pectin, citric acid
Smucker's Concord Grape Jelly: Concord grape juice, high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, fruit pectin, citric acid, sodium citrate
Smucker's Apple Butter: Apples, high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, natural flavors, salt
Smucker's Blueberry Syrup: High fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, blueberries, water, pectin, citric acid, xanthan gum, natural flavor
Smucker's Vanilla Plate Scrapers Dessert Topping: Corn syrup, nonfat milk, high fructose corn syrup, fructose, glycerine, contains 2% or less of: soybean oil, salt, carrageenan, natural and artificial flavors, fully hydrogenated cottonseed oil, titanium dioxide (color), potassium sorbate and sodium benzoate (preservatives), sodium citrate, sodium phosphate, monoglycerides, tbhq (antioxidant)
Smucker's Uncrustables PB & Honey on Wheat Bread: Wheat bread: enriched unbleached flour (wheat flour, malted barley flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), water, unbleached whole wheat flour, high fructose corn syrup, yeast, partially hydrogenated soybean oil and/or soybean oil, contains 2% or less of: wheat gluten, salt, caramel color, dough conditioners (may contain one or more of: diacetyl tartaric acid esters of mono and diglycerides [datem], mono and diglycerides, ethoxylated mono and diglycerides, sodium stearoyl lactylate, calcium peroxide, ascorbic acid, azodicarbonamide, l-cysteine), yeast nutrients (may contain one or more of: monocalcium phosphate, calcium sulfate, ammonium sulfate), calcium propionate (maintain freshness), corn starch, enzymes (with wheat). Peanut butter: peanuts, dextrose, sugar, contains 2% or less of: partially and fully hydrogenated vegetable oils (soybean and/or cottonseed and/or rapeseed), salt, molasses, mono and diglycerides (palm and/or soybean oil). Honey spread: corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, water, honey, contains 2% or less of: pectin, natural flavor, citric acid, potassium sorbate (preservative), caramel color, calcium chloride
Smucker's Strawberry Goober PB & J: Ground roasted peanuts, strawberry juice, high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, dextrose, vegetable monoglycerides (from palm), pectin, salt, citric acid, potassium sorbate added as a preservative, sodium citrate

God Bless You, Dr. Mrs Ngozi Okonjo Iweala!

2011-11-30T14:21:00.001-05:00

Some of you may recall a lovely email I received from Dr. Mrs Ngozi Okonjo Iweala back in October, in which she kindly informed me that she had been working round the clock in making sure she secured every approval for the transfer of my funds, which she had finally received from the World Bank/IMF.
She is once again hard at work on my behalf. She emailed me today to let me know she had "a meeting with the new Efcc Boss, Mr Lamorde, The CBN Governor, Mallam Sanusi and special envoy from the Federal Bureau Investigation (FBI) in discussing issues of cyber crime and also to finalize all payment," she writes. She also says that they are "really sorry for the dealy and problems these payment must have caused" me and my family. In view of this, Dr. Mrs Ngozi Okonjo Iweala had to inform them that she been in contact with me and my payment has been approved. Unfortunately, she writes, "the only delay we have experienced is your inability to pay the telex fee."

This is true. I still have not come up with the $200 needed for the telex fee. Yet, in spite of my shortcomings, Dr. Mrs Ngozi Okonjo Iweala is working tirelessly on my behalf:

"We will have meeting tomorrow to deliberate on either to waive the telex fee and have your funds transferred to your account, therefore you are requested to reconfirm your account so that we will have this concluded immediately. I want to assure you that I will do my best in making we get this concluded. I am also aware that some people are using my name to defraud innocent people, but with our combined efforts with the FBI, we will get them arrested."

God Bless You, Dr. Mrs Ngozi Okonjo Iweala!

Notes From All Over

2011-11-29T10:04:00.003-05:00

Mr. P.J. Clarke, from the United States, has a proposition involving 12,967,170.00 GBP that he wishes to discuss with me. "It will be of mutual benefit to both of us, and I believe we can handle it together, once we have a common understanding and mutual cooperation in the execution of the modalities," he writes.

Michael Shittu informs me that I am the beneficiary of a trunk container in the vault at Barclays Bank UK. The bank officials have made several attempts to reach the owner of the trunk, and as they could not get through to him, they decided to contact me directly. Needless to say, my "urgent response is needed."

Mr. Aminu Aruna, the manager of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance Department of BANK OF Africa (B.O.A) in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso, informs me that he "discovered an abandoned sum of US$ 25.8 Million dollars in an account that belongs to one of our foreign Customer (MR. PAUL LOUIS from Paris, France ) who died along with His entire family in July 2003 in a plane crash." He goes on to write, in a style all his own, "The banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money Remained Unclaimed after eight to nine years, the money will be transferred into the bank treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this transfer is unquestionable by the fact that the customer was a Foreigner and a Burkina be cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. I agree that 40% of this money will be for you as a respect to the Provision of a foreign account, 5% will be set aside for expenses Incurred During the business and 55% would be for me Thereafter, I Will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentage indicated Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you arranged, you must apply first to the bank as relation or next of kin of the deceased indicating your bank name, your bank account number, your Private telephone and fax number for easy and effective communication And location where the money will be remitted. Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application. I will not fail to bring to your notice this transaction is hitch-free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required Arrangements have been made for the transfer. You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter." Mr. Aruna is trusting to hear from me immediately.

Cindy O. sent me a nice email, inquiring about my health, my job and my family, and hopes they are fine. Cindy tells me she is "a very nice, good looking, honest, loving, sincere,free minded, easy going and God fearing girl," who "decided to drop a few note" with me to be her sincere friend. "Well there is first time for every thing in life," she writes. She has given me her email address (cindy.ogwo@yahoo.com), so that she can give me her picture and tell me more about herself. She claims to be my dearest friend.

Mr. Christopher Willams informed me that I have been selected for a cash prize of 1,200,000 British Pounds. The selection process "was carried out through random selection" in the "computerized email selection system (ESS) London Uk." All I need to do is provide Mr. Williams with some personal information and the money is mine.

Mr Dan Maha, director auditing and accounting department of Bank of Africa Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso , discovered "the sum of seven million, two hundred thousand dollars belonging to a deceased customer of this bank the fund has been lying in a suspense account without anybody coming to put claim over the money since the account owner late, Mr. Salla Khat from Lebanese who was involved in the December 28th 2006 Benin car crash." I was surprised to discover that I am Mr. Salla Khat's next of kin! Mr. Maha tells me that 40% of this money will be for me as the beneficiary, and he will retain 60%. Hardly seems fair, but then again, 40% of 7 million bucks ain't exactly chump change.

Senator Andrew Obaseki, from the Senate Committee on Foreign Payment Matter, National House of Assembly, Federal Republic of Nigeria, wrote to tell me I was due two million dollars, as I am one of the "Nigerian 419 scam victims." He says that I am "directed to contact the office of the Accountant General Office of the Federal Republic of Nigeria Attention to Dr Richard Eze immediately" for my "compensation PAYMENT PIN-CODE." He goes on to say that "We have mounted our security network to monitor every in-coming call, if we still find out that you are still dealing with all those fraudsters that have been frustrating and extracting money from you, We shall stop and cancel your payment immediately."

Madam Mrs. Lilian Chen’s mind is not at rest. She writes, "i have been suffering from ovarian cancer disease and the doctor says that i have just two days to leave." Poor Madam Mrs. Chen is from China, but is living in Africa Burkina Faso "since eight years ago as business woman dealing with gold exportation.” Now that she is “about to end the race like this, without any family members and no child," she has instructed the Ecobank in Burkina Faso to transfer her 5.5 million dollars "to the first foreigner that will apply to the bank," with the assurance that half of the money will be donated to orphanages. The rest is mine to keep. How cool is that?

Chief Pedro Bamba, of West Africa, is looking to sell "GOLD DUST, And GOLD BARS."

Mary Rose informs me that I won £750,000.00 in the British Premier Oil promo.

Amanda Perez, of the "FRAUD PREVENTOION DEPARTMENT" at Equifax, writes that they "have detected a new personal loan application submited from non-associated location. I have attached a loan application received from Bank of Hawaii," and asks me to “see details in report below to verify or approve the request.”

Mr. Adams Kudibia, of Kudibia Trade, is interested in my product, and wants to know if I can "supply in large quantity to Africa."

Mansour Daw, the security chief personal headed late Col Muammar Gaddafi's security brigades, writes, "I flee Tripoli to Niger as an asylum-seeker with my comrades. During our move we convoy few gold, dollars and euros to Niamey in Niger." He asks for my cooperation to receive US $43 Million Dollars on behalf of himself and his two comrades. "I and my colleague," he goes on, “unanimously offer you 25% of the total amount for your help and 5% for any expenses you may imply during course of receiving the funds.” Not a bad deal, I must say.

Mr. Smith Stanford, of the UK National Lottery 2011, writes that my "e-mail account won the sum of £2,532,137,00 (Two million, Five hundred and Thirty Two Thousand, One Hundred and Thirty Seven pounds sterling) from the Camelot end of year Promotion."

The EMSE Systems Administrator writes to say that my mailbox has exceeded the limit of 20 GB, which is as set by my manager, and I am currently at 20.9GB. He provides a link I can click on to re-validate my mailbox.

Miss Joyce Dangote, 23 years old, a Sociology student, from Guinea Bissau, writes, "I am now in search of an honest and reliable person who will help to relocate me in any of the western or any other place in the world, for a better life and to continue my studies, I have chosen to contact you after getting your email through a database, and I believe you are a reliable person who will not let me down or betray my trust, I know you may wonder why I am telling you about all this, even without seeing or knowing you fully well, really something in me tells me that you are a good person and I guess I am not wrong." She has seven and a half million dollars she wishes to deposit in my bank account! She is a refugee in St Johns Catholic Church in Burkina-Faso, and says "life here is to me a hell, no love, no affection and no amenities, more importantly, I love my studies and here nothing is happening and people here are not friendly, I am really suffering in this place, it is too painful, but I hope with your help to transferring the fund in your account, I will have a better life to live so kindly let me know your readiness to help me and I promise to always be nice and faithful to you I will send to you a copy of my photo as soon I receive your positive respond."

Aracelis Kipkalya, a 24 yr old female from Kenya in East Africa, writes to say that her "father was the former Kenyan road Minister. He and Assistant Minister of Home Affairs Lorna Laboso had been on board the Cessna 210, which was headed to Kericho and crashed in a remote area called Kajong'a, in western Kenya. The plane crashed on the Tuesday 10th, June, 2008." She's got $5.8 million she wishes to transfer to my account. Oh, and her step-mother is trying to assasinate her. "I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust. But rather take me as your own sister. Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without knowing you, well I will say that my mind convinced me that you may be the true person to help me," she writes.

The United States Postal Service wrote to say that "Unfortunately we failed to deliver the postal package you have sent on the 12th of November in time because the recipient's address is erroneous. Please print out the shipment label attached and collect the package at our office."

Mr Liu Wang, an account Officer with the International Bank Of Tiapei Taiwan, requests my "partnership in re-profilling funds," and wants me to contact him for more details (mrliuwang01@9.cn).

MICROSOFT WINNING NOTIFICATION

2011-11-28T16:14:00.001-05:00

Microsoft Promotion Award Team

Stamford New Road,

Altrincham Cheshire

WA14 1EP

London.

United Kingdom.

MICROSOFT WINNING NOTIFICATION.

We happily announce to you the draw of the Sweepstake Lottery International

programs held on 1st November 2011 in LONDON ENGLAND. Your e-mail

address was attached to ticket number: EAASL-130876.And subsequently

won you the lottery in the 3rd category.

You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of 450,000.00

(Four Hundred and Fifty ThousandPounds Sterling) This is from a total

cash prize Shared amongst the first ten (10) lucky winners

in this category.

Please note that your lucky Winning number falls within our Europe booklet

representative in LONDON,ENGLAND as indicated in your play coupon.

In view of this, your 450.000.00 (Four Hundred and Fifty Thousand

pounds sterling) cheque, would be released to you by our fiduciary agent

in LONDON, ENGLAND.Our Fiduciary agent will immediately commence

the process to facilitate the release of your check up as soon as you contact

him.

To begin your claim please contact our licensed and accredited agent

assigned to you

Mr Glen Wood.

Microsoft Promotion Award Team

Email: glenwood11@w.cn

Phone Num+44-7024024656

Fax +448704796623

Alternative Email: glenwood33@w.cn

To avoid unnecessary delays and complications, you are to contact Mr Glen

Wood with the followings details below:

VERIFICATION AND FUNDS RELEASE FORM.

(1) Your contact address.

(2) Your Tel/Fax numbers.

(3) Your Nationality/Country.

(4) Your Full Names.

(5) sex

{6} Age.

{7} Occupation/

(8) Your Preferred Method Of Receiving Your Prize(From Below)

Mode of Prize Remittance:

(1) Cash Pick-Up (You coming down toUnited Kingdompersonally to pick your

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(2) Courier Delivery of Your Certified Winning Cheque and other Winning

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Quote your Ticket number in correspondences with us to our designated agent.

Winners under 18 years of age will be automatically disqualified.

Congratulations, once more from all members and staffs of this program.

Thank you for being part of this promotional lottery program. Our special

thanks and gratitude to Sultan of Brunei, Bill Gates o fMicrosoftand all his

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You are expected to keep your winning details to yourself in strict confidence

for security reasons.

DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL; CONTACT YOUR FIDUCIARY AGENT

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Sincerely,

Dr.Paul Brown

Microsoft Promotion Award Team

Down the attached file to view our past winners

Billy, Dolly, Jeffy, P.J., and Barfy

2011-11-18T20:03:00.002-05:00

I was sad to learn of the death of Bil Keane, creator of the single-panel comic strip "Family Circus." He passed away November 9 at the age of 89. Keane created "Family Circus" in 1960. It has become the comic that the young, hip and cynical hate with a passion for its unapologetically sentimental view of middle-class, suburban family life. "Family Circus" tends to show up in online "worst comics" lists, right up there with "Cathy" and "Mark Trail." People were even leaving nasty comments regarding the strip when the Washington Post ran an article about the cartoonist's death. Consider this comment: "The most empty-headed, unchallenging, trite, cloying, brain-deadening 'comic' ever written. Good for syndication, because you could print the same one every day and none of its fans would even notice." Real classy, eh? Mr. Keane's strip was never cynical or mean-spirited; I wish I could say the same about some of Keane's detractors, who can't seem to resist taking potshots at the man even after his demise. Keane, apparently, was always gracious and good-humored, even to those who lampooned his creation. You might say he was laughing all the way to the bank.
Some of Keane's critics might be surprised at this early panel, which shows Daddy with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. He's been drinking, too. Not terribly funny, admittedly, but it's a shock to see the Dad acting more like Don Draper than Rob Petrie:

I know Billy, Dolly, Jeffy, P.J. and Barfy (the dog) are all very sad. Fortunately for them (and us), Bil Keane's son, Jeff, has been drawing the strip for some time; I hope he continues to do so for many years to come.

Mario vs. PETA, Part II

2011-11-17T15:03:00.001-05:00

PETA issued a statement in which it backed off from its original Mario-bashing position. Sort of, anyway. It said, in part, "Mario fans: Relax! PETA's game was meant to be tongue-in-cheek, a fun way to call attention to a serious issue..." So it's OK to depict bloodied animals in digital form, as PETA did in its Mario parody, as long as it brings "attention to a serious issue." Yeah , right, PETA. Any way you slice it, it's still a bunch of baloney.

Dream on, Mario

Mario Rules, PETA Drools!

2011-11-16T21:18:00.004-05:00

The Washington Post has a short article today about PETA taking a stand against Nintendo's famed princess-rescuing plumber. The reason for PETA's antipathy? In the game "Super Mario 3D Land," Mario puts on a "Tanooki" suit, which gives him the power to glide. In the real world, tanuki is a cute raccoon-like animal which the Japanese prize for its lovely fur coat. But come on, PETA people, this isn't real life, it's a harmless fantasy! We're talking about Super Mario here; hardly a game that promotes animal cruelty or any other kind of bad behavior. There are plenty of truly graphically violent games that PETA might object to, but not this one. When PETA focuses on something as irrelevant to actual animal cruelty as this game is, it trivializes its own message, and appears out of touch with popular culture. Mario doesn't skin or kill any animal whatsoever; he just sort of grabs the coat out of thin air, because that's the nature of the game. It's a fantasy; the Mario's tanooki is, at best, loosely based on the real tanuki creature. On its website, PETA has created a parody of Super Mario which displays images that are much more graphic, bloody and cruel than anything in the actual Nintendo game. So who's resorting to the lowest common denominator by depicting violence merely for shock value? This is the sort of nonsense that makes PETA an organization that people love to hate.

Go, Mario, Go!

What's in a Name?

2011-11-14T13:27:00.003-05:00

It should come as no surprise to anyone who was alive in 1980s that the expression "Where's the Beef?" is a registered trademark owned by Wendy's International, Inc. I don't have a beef with companies trademarking catch phrases used in marketing campaigns, as Wendy's did; some more recent ones that come to mind (all for food products, oddly enough) are “Beef: It’s What’s For Dinner”, “Pork: The Other White Meat” and “Got Milk?”. Companies will also use taglines to enhance their brand, such as "Lowes: Let's Build Something Together." Successful slogans such as these need protection to retain their potency in the marketplace.

Product names are even more important for companies to retain control over. We're all guilty of referring to a generic class of items (tissue paper, cola soft drinks, bandages, and copy machines, for example) by trademarked names. Here is a list (from Wikipedia) of names that were once trademarked, but are now in common use to describe a class of product: Aspirin, Cellophane, Escalator, Heroin, Kerosene, Laundromat, Linoleum, Mimeograph, Petrol, Thermos, Videotape, Windbreaker, Zipper.

On the flip side, there are times where a company will take an ordinary word—such as "windows"—and turn it into a trade name. For example, I have always been able to open windows on a Mac computer, but not until Apple switched from Motorola to Intel processors could I open Windows on a Mac. Apple Computer was itself sued by the Beatles' Apple Corps over trademark violations in 1979, and several more times in the following decades.

Sometimes, companies will trademark common words, not for a particular product or service, but merely to express a concept. For example, Landmark Education, a company that offers large group awareness training seminars, has trademarked "The Vicious Circle" and "Rackets." I find both these terms in my dictionary; the former means "a sequence of reciprocal cause and effect in which two or more elements intensify and aggravate each other, leading inexorably to a worsening of the situation," and the latter has several meanings: a "type of bat with a round or oval frame strung with catgut, nylon, etc.," "a loud unpleasant noise," "an illegal or dishonest scheme for obtaining money," or "a person's line of business or way of life." How either term qualifies for trademark protection is a mystery to me.

Oddly enough, book titles can't be trademarked under most circumstances, unless they are part of a series, such as self-help titles (The Moron's Guide to Idiots) or perhaps teen romance novels (Dark Moon: Werewolves Gone Batty).

More Spam, Please!

2011-11-12T21:09:00.001-05:00

BUSINESS INITIATIVE:

Thursday, November 10, 2011 10:26 AM

From: "Mr. P.J. Clarke" <mr_pjclake@mail.mn>

To: undisclosed-recipients

I am P.J. Clarke from the United States,  I have a proposition

Involving an investment initiative involving fund value

Ј12,967,170.00 GBP to discuss with you, It will be of mutual

benefit to both of us, and I believe we can handle it together,

once we have a common understanding and mutual cooperation in

the execution of the modalities. I worked with Abn Amro N.V.

before Joining a finance Institute in Asia where the funds is

domiciled now, Should you be interested, please email back to

me through this email address: (mr_p.j.clarke@skyxnet.net).

For reference please go to

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/6469417.stm

I await your earliest response.

Yours Sincerely,
P.J. Clarke


Coin Security UK

Saturday, November 12, 2011 3:42 PM

From: "Michael Shittu" <info@gov.ng.org>

To: sonnymoon42@yahoo.com

Dear

Today is exactly 1 year a bank official from Barclays Bank UK

deposited a trunk container in our vault that has your name

as the beneficiary. We have made several attempts to reach

him and could not get through to him, we now write to inform

you about it. It is very important that you respond immediately

for further details.

Your urgent response is needed.

Michael Shittu
Coin Security UK

News Flash

2011-11-09T15:55:00.001-05:00

At a press conference today, singer Justin Bieber came forward and accused Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain of sexual harassment. Bieber also claimed that he is pregnant with Cain's child. Mr. Cain responded to the charges by smashing a copy of Bieber's My World 2.0 CD on a reporter's head.

I Will Appreciate You’re Immediately Respond to My Me

2011-11-08T08:47:00.004-05:00

CIMB BANK GROUP!!

From:
“Mr. Mohd Shukri Hussin” <mr.mohdshukrihussn_cimbbnk@mail.mn>

To:
undisclosed-recipients

CIMB BANK GROUP MALAYSIA
ADDRESS: JALAN PARR 617 JALAN PARRY 60100
MIRI KUALA LUMPUR
MALAYSIA

I’m Mr Mohd Shukri Hussin, head of International remittance department CIMB BANK Malaysia; I got your contact from global worldwide research, as l and my boss need a foreign business partner. To execute a DEAL of ($28, 000,000.00 US Dollars) with me. it has already arranged but i am looking for a foreigner who will be Capable to handle it with me.

If you are capable please update me immediately,I will introduce you to my bank as the relative to the late customer who deposited the fund in our Bank, and the fund will be transfer to you in your country, this our customer dead with his family.i will send you the infomation of this our late customer that will make you understand this business, no risk involved. As all the legal documents to transfer the fund to you will be in your name. And them we will discuse what will be your percentage.This business will be executed under a legitimate arrangement with us from the Bank.

We will start the first transfer with Eight million [$8,000.000] upon successful transaction without any disappoint from your side, we shall re-apply for the payment of the remaining rest amount to your account. The total amount involve is $28, 000.000.00 million United States Dollars only.

I want to first transfer $8,000.000.00 Eight million United States Dollar] from this money into a safe foreigners account abroad before the rest. But I don’t know any foreigner, I am only contacting you as a foreigner because this money cannot be approved to a local person here, without valid international foreign passport, but can only be approved to any foreigner with valid international passport or drivers license and foreign a/c because the money is in US dollars and the former owner of the a/c is a foreigner too, and the money can only be approved into a foreign a/c.

 I need your full co-operation to make this work fine because the management is ready to approve this payment to any foreigner who has correct information of this account, which I will give to you upon your positive response and once I am convinced that you are capable and will meet up with instruction of a key bank official who is deeply involved with me in this business. I need your strong assurance that you will never let me down. At the conclusion of this business, you will be given 40% of the total amount, 60% will be for me.

I will appreciate you’re immediately respond to my me:

Yours Sincerely,

Mr. Mohd Shukri Hussin.

Radio Daze

2011-11-04T09:44:00.003-04:00

I was a subscriber to XM Radio for a long time. I have a short commute, so I opted to get the portable "Sky Fi" model, which allows the listener to place the radio in a boom box-like housing for home use, and also be able to plug it into one's car stereo system (in my case, via a now-antiquated cassette player adapter). A pretty ingeneous device, really. At the time we signed up, I had a friend who worked for XM Radio, and got a good deal on the hardware, plus the connection fee was waived. For 10 bucks a month for all those channels, it seemed like a real bargain. I was mostly interested in the music channels; I've never cared much for talk radio, with the exception of the NPR "Car Talk" guys, and I only listen to them if I'm in my car running errands. And only when I'm alone—no one else in the family can stand the way they laugh, and occasionally snort, at their own jokes. Most of the music channels are devoted to run-of-the-mill pop stuff, but they had three good alternative music channels ("Fred," "Ethel" and "Lucy") plus a few that played crunchy-granola hippie stuff from the 1960s and 70s ("Deep Tracks," man). They had only two classical music channels that I listened to; the third played nothing but opera, which isn't my cup of tea. I wrote them a few times complaining about the limited classical line up; they needed separate channels for Medieval/Renaissance, Baroque, Classical, Romantic, and Modern (20th Century) eras. After all, there are probably 80 channels devoted to music of the last 70 years; five or so devoted to the preceding 10 centuries isn't asking too much. On occasion I'd check out some other channels—jazz, blues, bluegrass, and even New Age. There was enough variety to keep me interested, and they allowed subscribers to stream music through the XM website, so I was also able to listen to it at work. Plus it was commercial-free, although they did air annoying in-house promotions.
In 2008, XM Radio merged with its rival Sirius. I wasn't happy about that, because Sirius had signed on Howard Stern, whose on-air persona I absolutely despise. Just the thought that, in some small way, I was supporting that idiot's career was maddening. Then, in 2009, Sirius XM raised its fees. Just by a couple bucks, and they claimed it wasn't really a rate hike (which they were disallowed from doing as per the merger agreement by the FCC), but a surcharge; they were merely passing along to their customers the music royalty fee they had to pay the recording industry. Plus, at some point, they announced that Internet streaming would no longer be free, but would charge an additional three dollars (or so) for the service. I opted not to get the Internet access, since there were tons of free channels available from Apple, not to mention Pandora radio.
The last straw came when the Sirius and XM lineups merged, and Fred, Ethel and Lucy—among other favorites—were dropped. The replacement channels seemed to be more mainstream, playing the same stuff over and over. We have good local classical, jazz, and bluegrass stations (all public radio), so losing the satellite counterparts wasn't too painful, and I'm getting a little old for the alt-music stuff, anyway. I pretty much stopped listening, so I cancelled my subscription, which wasn't a painless process, as the customer service rep repeatedly tried to get me to stay on. Reason for leaving? Just didn't listen to it anymore.
Since cancelling, I have received countless emails (until I unsubscribed from all Sirius XM email lists), several phone calls, and a few pieces of direct mail asking me to re-enlist. They'll give me a special rate for six months and waive my connection fee, I'm told—although last I checked, the unit is still receiving a signal. Yeah, sure, bring back my free Internet radio, my old channel lineup, fire Howard Stern, throw in a few more classical music channels, drop the annoying self-promotional plugs, and I'll gladly renew my subscription.

Scammers, Spammers and Grammar

2011-11-02T09:43:00.005-04:00

A hallmark of a an Internet scammer is the inability to write coherent, properly punctuated sentences. In most cases, I guess, it's because they're running their scams from countries where English is not the native tongue. I actually enjoy reading some spam messages because of the ridiculous ways in which the grammar and sentence structure gets mangled. My favorites are the financial scams; I usually don't read the ones for pharmaceuticals or watches, although sometimes the subject lines for Viagra-type drugs ("Specify How Much You Want Your p3N!ss to Grow") can be funny.

Now that I am selling items via craigslist, I have encountered a new source of spam. These spammers I have no tolerance for, as the messages arrive in my personal email inbox rather than my online Yahoo account. The annoying thing is, the initial email inquiries from the scammers can be indistinguishable from legitimate requests. Consider this one from mike.morgan8@gmail.com: "Please let me know if you still have it for sale and get back to me asap." A little terse, perhaps, but maybe for some reason the guy's in a big hurry to buy a 10-year-old Mac computer. So I send him an email saying, yes, the item is still available. And then I get this reply:

Thanks for the prompt response to my mail. I will be buying it.just want to get you informed that I am satisfied with the description of the advert cost,is quite reasonable and affordable to me, I will really like to purchase it from you and at the same time I want you to consider It sold.pls.do withdraw the advert from Craigslist to avoid disturbance from other party over it. and am so busy with my work ,so i will like to informed you that i will be sending you a certified check that will cover the amount of the ([product name and description here] ) and the moving funds.You are to take your money for the ([product name and description here] ) from the check after cleared in your bank and have the rest wired to the mover via western union money transfer ,And concerning the pickup,i will be responsible for the pickup.I will need the following details to send the payment out to you today.

Name to be on the chec
Home address or office address
City
State
Zip Code _
Cell phone that can receive a text #

get back to me as soon as possible.so kindly get back to me with the total price

Okay, so this guy is obviously trying to pull a fast one. I'm not quite sure what sold.pls.do means; it appeared as a clickable link, but I didn't try it. As for the rest of the email, it is so badly written, you wonder how anyone would fall for it (much less be able to understand the logistics of the transaction).

Partnership Invitation

2011-11-01T11:53:00.002-04:00

Monday, October 31, 2011 7:19 PM

From:
"Mr Tony Barry" <tonybprivate@yahoo.com.ph>

To:
undisclosed-recipients

Hello,

How are you and your family?Do accept my sincere apologies if my mail does not meet your personal ethics,As the world is defined as a global village,I don't want you to get this message as a surprise but as an opportunity that will put smile on your face. With due respect I propose business to you, to make it brief I want to transfer $3.8Million United state dollars into your bank account.The fund belong to our deceased customer who died with his entire family in Benghazi, through the attack of Libya's Rebel against Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi.

leaving nobody for the claim and as such, I decided to contact you as to enable us claim the fund. 50% of this fund will be for you and 50% for me. Hit reply on this e-mail to Contact me only if you are interested in this business and for more details. I am assuring you that the transaction is 100% Risk Free.

Sincerely,
Mr.Tony
Head,Audit & compliance

The World's Only Reliable Newspaper

2011-10-31T11:34:00.001-04:00

I am happy to report that select issues of the Weekly World News are available on Google Books. What a great newspaper! It was the only supermarket tabloid worth more than a passing glance in the checkout line. Who needs Hollywood smut when you can read about Bat Boy? Alas, the August 27, 2007, edition was the last one to roll off the presses. A sad day in the annals of newspaper publishing.

Weekly World News, 8/6/2007

URGENT ASSISTANCE NEEDED

2011-10-26T19:36:00.002-04:00

RE-REMITTANCE OF USD$15 MILLION

From The Desk of MADAM.DOREEN BENSON
Auditing manager African Development Bank(ADB)
Ouagadougou-Burkina faso
West Africa

Dear Friend,

i am MADAM.DOREEN BENSON,from Burkina faso in West Africa.I got your e-mail contacts from computerised datas after my extensive search via the website for a God-fearing and trust-worthy person to bestow this transaction which is the only hope of our survival into his or her hands.When i got your address,I prayed and meditated fervently over it and i commited it into the hands of God, that you should be the rightful person to help us out before I made up my decision to contact you.I am The Manager of Auditing Department of Our Bank ,Ouagadougou Burkina Faso.
In my department we discovered an abandoned usd$15M( fifteen Million United States Dollars). In an account that belongs to this our foreign customer who died along with his wife and and children in the plane crash.Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as the next of kin or relation to the deceased, as indicated in our banking guidelines but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him in the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.It is therefore upon this discovery that I decided to make this business proposals to you and release the money to you as next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it because I don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed Bill.
The request of foreigner in this transaction is necessary because our late customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner,I agree that 40% of this money will be for you as foreigner partner in respect to the provision of a foreign account. 10% will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 50% would be for me , after which I shall visit your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated.
Therefore to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you as i have arranged,you will furnished me with a good receiving account details where the money will betransfered,your private tel and fax number for easy communication.
Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or e-mail a text of the application which you shall retype and fax to our foreign remittance manager,for easy execution of the transaction.I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is 100% hitch-free on both side. As all required arrangement have been made for the transfer and more so all the documents backing this claim will be supplied to you after you might have applied.
Please I would like you to keep this transaction confidential and as a top secret as you may wish to know that I am a senior Bank official.

Trusting to hear from you immediately.
Yours Sincerely,
MADAM.DOREEN BENSON

Rubbish

2011-10-25T09:36:00.003-04:00

The King James Bible Thumper, Pastor Steve van Nuttman, is at it again. This time he has a dire warning about the President's policies, the Occupy Wall Streeters, and the imminent collapse of the U.S. banking system. He writes:

"CHANGE," said Obama, and the sheeple voted him into office.

But the Hidden Hand rules supreme. Obama simply dances to the piper in the shadows.

And man-oh-man, now those "sheeple" are really gonna pay for the error of their ways!

The dollar tanks, the world abandons the dollar, they send boat loads of dollars back to the USA, the USA does not have the foreign exchange to pay them in their preferred currency, the USA issues I.O.Us to dollar holders, run on the bank, close banks, economy crashes, Wall Street closes until further notice ...

And then the bankers, along with their money, leave the country. He doesn't say where they will go. Switzerland, Saudi Arabia, Russia, Australia? Who knows? Regardless of where they end up, the good Pastor advises the rest of us to prepare ourselves immediately for the financial apocalypse by taking as much cash out of the bank as you can, and stockpiling air(!), water, food, and items that can be bartered. You'll also need some method of communication (such as a CB radio, perhaps) and companionship (keep the Missus and the dog close at hand). Perhaps the most important piece of advice is that you'll need "Something to believe in OUTSIDE of the present earthly rubbish."

Rubbish? You said it, brother.

For Sale: Red Bag with Matching Pumps

2011-10-24T10:14:00.011-04:00

One of my obsessions is Apple Macintosh computers. I use them for fun and profit (I'm a graphic artist). I have a particular fondness for the older, pre-Intel Macs, especially those that run some form the Classic (pre-OS X) Mac operating system. As a result, I have a collection of old and not very useful machines. I am now in the process of unloading them, along with peripherals and software, via craigslist. I recently sold an iMac DV, so we are down to 12 computers in the house. I want to jettison seven of them, which will leave us with four MacBooks—one for each family member, not including the dog—and one PowerBook (which I use as my main computer, as my MacBook is basically the household network server).
Selling things on craigslist requires a lot of attention, as the posts have to be renewed regularly; if you don't update a listing, it quickly gets buried by newer ads. Everyone, it seems, is trying to unload their accumulations of old crap. It's a bit like fishing—you keep tossing in the line and eventually something will bite. The more postings, the more likely it is you'll actually sell something. I currently have two old all-in-one Macs which should be sold by next weekend, if all goes well. With a big item, like a desktop computer, you have no choice but to have prospective buyers come to your house. This is a little tricky; you have to determine whether the respondee has a legitimate interest in the item, or is in fact a psychotic axe murderer who wants your home address and phone number. A problem I have is that our house is on a tiny section of road that is not accurately pinpointed by MapQuest or Google, so I have to give specific directions to people so they don't end up in another part of the city. With smaller items, of course, you can arrange to meet in a public place. Even that method, however, has its drawbacks. You have to mutually agree on a place and time, and hope you will find each other without wasting too much time and effort. The other day I met with a guy to sell some old software (completely legitimate, mind you). We arranged to meet at a Starbucks at a shopping mall. I got there a little early, and wrote him a text message in which I said, for identification purposes, that I was carrying a red bag. Just as I was about to send the message, I got a phone call from my son, who needed a ride home from a friend's house. I then returned to my texting, and sent the message. As a result of the interruption, I inadvertently sent the text to a buddy of mine. He responded, "I bet you're cute with that red bag, are you wearing matching pumps?"
Another thing about selling old stuff: You have to decide if it's worth putting an item on the market as is, or do you fix problems to make the thing more sale-worthy? I have a Mac 128k, which is the very first Mac model (from 1984), which I know will sell in spite of a wobbly screen display and non-functioning keys on the keyboard, because to a fellow Mac nerd, it's a collector's item. On the other hand, I had an old iBook with a broken CD player. I figured no one would consider purchasing it in that condition. I also knew that replacing the drive would eat into whatever profit I might make on its sale, and also be a technical nightmare. I know a little about replacing components on Macs; some are designed in a way that makes an operation like this easy. Others, like the iBook, are sheer hell to work on. Nevertheless, armed with several sets of instructions downloaded from the Internet and a $10 replacement CD player from eBay I set to work. Among the challenges of the disassembly is prying apart the upper and lower halves of the shell. This requires a great deal of patience. Once that's accomplished, you realize there are another gazillion tiny screws that need to be removed and kept track of. Not to mention paper-thin cables and other wires that need to disconnect from the logic board and odd bits of silver and yellow tape that help hold the innards together, as well as odd springs and clips here and there. Anyone who talks about "elegant" Apple engineering has never seen the inside of one of these puppies. Four hours later, I had the new CD player in place and started to re-assemble the pieces. The the plug at the end of the speaker cable was miniscule, and when I tried to re-attach it, I bent beyond repair the matching four thinner-than-paperclip copper pins that stuck up from the main board. The other problem was figuring out where the hell all the tiny screws went back in, even though I tried to keep them organized. Then, after putting the whole mess back together, I started the iBook up, and everything worked—almost. I had forgotten to reconnect the trackpad cable. An relatively easy fix, but it required that I get back into the laptop's internal organs. I knew there would be no sound from the tiny speakers, but the external sound port still worked. Other than that, my only problem was trying to figure out what to do with the half-dozen-or-so screws that were left over. No way would I open the iBook up a third time! I threw the screws in the trash. They'll never be missed, I hope.

Good News From the IMF

2011-10-23T14:37:00.003-04:00

International Monetary Fund / Compensation!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011 10:52 AM

From:

"Markus Walter Isenchmid" <markus@imf.org>

Add sender to Contacts

To:

sonnymoon42@yahoo.com

From: Markus Walter Isenchmid
International Monetary Fund,
700 19th Street, N.W.

Washington, D.C. 20431
Tel/Fax: + 1 (202) 623-4661
SWIFT: IMFDUS3WXXX


Re: International Monetary Fund / Compensation

The IMF executives last night concluded the reports submitted by the scam and fraud committee, which I was directed to contact you.

We are paying compensation through the regional office where this scam/fraud was committed. You are to give detailed account which I will give you further details. The approved amount to be paid to you is $1M.

Your response determines the way forward.

Regards,
Markus
IMF Washington

Local Police Code 043

2011-10-22T09:45:00.002-04:00

Amazing isn't it, that all the email recipients were caught speeding in the state of New York, all at the very same moment? Actually, Code 43 means "simple rape." Which is probably a pretty good description of what the attachment, if you opened it it, would do to your PC.

U.S. Politics for Dummies

2011-10-21T08:58:00.003-04:00

I know the American political landscape can be confusing. With so many accusations being hurled by the left and the right, finding the truth is not easy. So, as a public service, below is an easy-to-understand guide to politics in the United States:
When people say they are Liberals and/or Democrats, they really mean they are Marxists.
When people say they are Conservatives and/or Republican, they really mean they are Fascists.
Once you grasp the basic definitions, you're ready to move on to more subtle distinctions:
A Liberal Democrat may be referred to with one or more of the following terms: Communist, Socialist, Atheist, Anti-American, Unpatriotic, or Anti-Business.
A Conservative Republican may also be referred to with one or more of the following terms: Racist*, Homophobic, Imperialist, Sexist, Greedy Capitalist, or War Monger.
*A Black Conservative Republican is an Uncle Tom.

See? That wasn't so difficult, was it? Now you're ready to join the fun. Pick a side, join a political discussion, and start hurling epithets!

Thank You, Dr. Mrs Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala!

2011-10-17T08:45:00.002-04:00

From: Dr. Mrs Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala
Finance Minister
Nigeria.

Re: Transfer Approval

I have been working round the clock in making sure I secure every approval for the transfer of your funds, which I have finally received from the World Bank / IMF. Absolutely nothing will hinder you from receiving your funds.

I worked as a director with World Bank which I implore you to check my records. I know a lot has happened in the past, the internet has become a non trusted platform as one doesn’t know is in front of the computer writing. But at the same time, we don’t have no option.

I want you to take this serious and reconfirm your account details for the transfer of your funds. Please in other not to waste our time, please don’t respond if you are not interested in receiving your funds. The only payment required is $200 only which is for telex confirmation, but that will be done when you must have confirmed your account details and transfer approval issued which a copy will be sent to you.

Regards,
Dr. Mrs Ngozi Okonjo Iweala
Finance Minister

The Book of Jobs

2011-10-15T19:02:00.006-04:00

So Steve Jobs kicked the bucket, and his spirit ascended to the great iCloud in the sky. There has been, of course, lots of ink and pixels allotted to his accomplishments. The latest New Yorker cover shows Jobs standing at the Pearly Gates with Saint Peter, who is consulting his iPad. I am a long-time user of Apple products; I even have an original 128K Mac (the 1984 model). As much as I admire Jobs as a marketing whiz, I'm a little annoyed by the worshipful tone of many of the articles. Sure, the guy was a great technological visionary and an incredible promoter of whatever product or idea he happened to be shilling at that moment, but he was also considered by many to be an obnoxious jerk. Here's a quote from a Motley Fool column by Rich Greifner: "There's plenty of anecdotal evidence to suggest that Jobs is a jerk. Stories of Apple's CEO throwing temper tantrums, berating his employees, taking credit for others' ideas, and even parking his Mercedes in handicapped spaces are nothing new." Here's a photo of his unlicensed $130,000 Mercedes parked illegally:

Steve always said, "Park different."

Not that you have to be a saint to earn people's respect as creator of innovative technology; Henry Ford was a real S.O.B. (and an anti-semite to boot), but that didn't stop people from buying Model Ts. At least Ford paid his plantworkers decent enough wages that they could buy their own cars; in Apple's case, the manufacturing is farmed out to factories in China, where the workers are paid next to nothing.
Anyway, the other Steve (Wozniak) was the designer; the Apple I was all his. Without Jobs, of course, there would have been no Apple II or Macintosh, but Jobs didn't invent things, the way Thomas Edison or Alexander Graham Bell did. Jobs provided the vision and the inspiration, while others did the actual engineering and programming. Maybe he needed to be a jerk, at times, to get things accomplished, but I'm glad he wasn't my boss (I'm sure he would have felt the same way about having me as an employee). Someone wrote that Jobs was this generation's Walt Disney. Well, I think that's an unfair comparison. At least Apple makes useful products, whereas Disney is just a schlock factory. I suppose the best thing to happen to Disney was its marriage to Pixar, the Jobs-owned animation studio—give me Woody and Buzz over Mickey and Donald any day of the week.
Steve Jobs gave a speech to the graduating class at Stanford University in 2005. He told them: "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." If only he had added, "Be kind to your fellow human beings, and don't park in spaces reserved for those with disabilities." Now that would have been inspirational.

Curiouser and Curiouser

2011-10-13T10:22:00.008-04:00

   When it comes to religion, I am a firm believer in Nothing At All. I was raised Catholic, and the good Sisters would tell us schoolchildren that if we wanted to get to Heaven, we had to study our little blue Baltimore Catechism, go to Church every Sunday (and on Holy Days of Obligation), attend Communion and Confession, and "avoid the occasion of sin." They also told us that the Catholic Church was the "One, True Apostolic Church," and Protestants, along with the rest of the heathens, were going to Hell. Well, I had lots of Protestant friends, who didn't appear any different than me, and it seemed a little harsh on God's part that they would end up roasting in eternal damnation while I was up in Heaven strumming a harp. After all, it was just luck of the draw whether you were born Catholic, Presbyterian, Jewish, Hindu or whatever else. When I was a teenager, I got involved in a Presbyterian church which had a huge youth ministry, much more exciting than anything the Catholic church had to offer. It was okay, until I realized, in spite of their youthful appeal, they were just as dogmatic as the Catholics. Anyway, I was never quite convinced that there really was a Divine Creator in the first place. It all seemed so ... silly and superstitious. Why waste time on the metaphysical when there is no concrete evidence that any of it actually exists, other than in the minds of the believers? The physical world has enough to keep us occupied; no reason to dwell on what may (but probably won't) happen after we kick the bucket, or what lies (but probably doesn't) beyond the material universe.
   While conducting my exhaustive research (hey, clicking on those Google links is a tough job) on "The Hidden Hand," I was amazed by the variety of whacky beliefs people have regarding, well, just about everything. I stumbled upon a of group I had not heard of: Lightworkers! There is a Website, Lightworkers.org, whose Web page intro reads:
   "Welcome Lightworker! Lightworker's is a spiritual social networking community for all people seeking to connect with other lightworker's, spiritual seekers, star seeds, wanderers, indigo children, and multi-dimensional beings. The World is entering a new dimension of love, truth and light. Provided are all the spiritual social networking tools to help you share, connect, teach and learn. Share our dream of a peaceful and united planet, a new earth, built upon the foundations of love, compassion and wisdom. May you will find inspiration and strength in your spiritual path."
   Wow, far out, man! For the record, a Lightworker, according to the site, is "any being dedicated to the cultivation of inner presence and the elevation of awareness in self and other selves." Starseeds, according to another Website, are "evolved beings from another planet, star system or galaxy, whose specific missions are to assist Planet Earth and her peoples to bring in the Golden Age at the turn of the millennium." The definition of Indigo Children is a little more difficult to pin down, but they are related to Crystal Children. As one site puts it, "Indigo and crystal children are often named interchangeably, but there are some real differences between the two aura colors. Though both indigo and crystal kids are part of the new wave of life colors beginning to direct the Earth, they vary in the type of sensitivity, in their psychic and other gifts, and in the kinds of emotional and psychological problems they may face during their lives." As for multi-dimensional beings, well, that's self-explanatory, right? No? Okay, here's one definition: "Each of us is a Multidimensional Being. We function in many different contexts of reality at once. Though we appear to be focused only HERE, there are also alternative forms of THERE in which we also function---in bodies that are every bit as real as this one."
   If none of the above makes any sense to you, perhaps this illustration will clear things up:

So there you have it, a brief look Down the Rabbit Hole. In my mind, this New Age stuff is no more (or no less) whacky than any other spiritual belief system, be it Christianity, Astrology, Mormonism, Islam or Scientology. As long as no one is being hurt in the name of your faith (killing, torturing, kidnapping, engaging in coercion or misrepresentation, etc.), it's OK by me. As for myself, I'll stick with the here-and-now and leave the hereafter to others. Amen.

Cheers

2011-10-11T14:56:00.004-04:00

Yes, of course I mean that Cheers. You know, the place where everybody knows your name. I mention it because I recently finished watching all 11 seasons (275 episodes) of the show via Netflix. The show first aired September 30, 1982, and was the lowest-rated show for that week, in 77th place.The last episode, which aired May 20, 1993, had 80.4 million viewers (I was not among them). After all that watching, you would think I could write a substantial amount about the show, but, um ... well, it sure was funny. I wasn't so crazy about the show after Diane (Shelley Long) left, although the storyline revolving around relationship with Sam (Ted Danson) was getting a little tiresome. Her replacement, Rebecca (Kirstie Alley), as Sam's foil, was not as funny. The show in which Diane leaves has a touching closing; it shows Sam and Diane as an old married couple, dancing together in their living room as the lights dim. Anyway, the show had a wonderful ensemble cast and great writers. There aren't many TV sitcoms that would hold up as well after so many years.
You would think after such a Herculean effort I would be content to rest on my laurels, but nosiree, there's more great sitcom-watching to come. "Frasier" (a show I rarely watched when it was in production) is also on Netflix, and has a few episodes featuring the old Cheers denizens: Sam, Diane, Lillith and Woody.

eWorld

2011-10-09T22:13:00.003-04:00

Once upon a time, in the days of modems and dial-up, Apple introduced an overpriced (and undermarketed) online service called eWorld. It was sort of like America Online, in the sense that it was a closed system, not actually part of the World Wide Web as people called it back then. It was friendly place to hang out and had a great graphical interface. You didn't want to hang out for too long, however, because the meter was running, and every precious minute you stayed on meant a bigger charge to your credit card bill. There was a monthly fee of $8.95 which included four hours of access time; after that, it was $2.95 an hour. You could hang out in chat rooms, get computer advice, even download software! I think my first modem was a 14.4 model, meaning it was slow as molasses, so downloading files took an eternity. I recently found an old six-panel gatefold brochure on eWorld, which came with a System 7.5 update CD:

The Hidden Hand

2011-10-05T16:36:00.002-04:00

Oh Happy Day! My favorite Bible thumper and conspiracy theorist, Pastor Steve Van Nuttman, is back. He's got a new blog and, luckily for us, hasn't been wearing his tin foil cap to keep the voices in his head at bay.

The voices whisper to him about President Obama and the Hidden Hand:

"These demonstrators are very likely a set up by the Marxist Obama and the Hidden Hand to start a war in the USA. This will then result in the declaring of the Executive Powers Act and a Military dictatorship. The NYC Police are aiding and abetting the destruction of the USA by letting this turn into war between them and these creeps."

"He is a liberal Marxist who has CHOSEN be a slave to White elite puppeteers above, the Hidden Hand."

"Is BO to blame? Yes, but only as much as a puppet is to blame for the Hidden Hand."

What the heck is "the Hidden Hand?" I had no idea until just now—I Googled it, and discovered it's a Masonic thing. I found a Website that lays out the whole conspiracy.

You know the famous painting of Napoleon Bonaparte by Jacques-Louis David?

Well, Napoleon wasn't the only one who liked to pose with one hand stuffed inside his uniform. George Washington did it, too! And so did Joseph Stalin! Just look at these paintings:

Even rascally old William Tecumseh Sherman got in on the act (although in his case, it looks like he's reaching for his pack of Marlboros):

According to the paranoid creeps — oops, I mean well-informed individuals — on the Internet, these guys aren't just striking a fashionable pose. They were all members of the Masonic "Hidden Hand" inner circle. This is the group that controls everything! It's all about the Masons and the Rothschilds and the New World Order and the Illuminati and Skull and Bones and the Zionists and Papists and Marxists ... well, I could go on, but you get the point.

Another One Bites the Dust

2011-09-30T12:57:00.001-04:00

Anwar al-Aulaqi, an al-Qaeda leader, was killed today in Yemen by a U.S. drone.

Today's Complex World of the Future

2011-09-29T14:38:00.000-04:00

As the Honorable Chester Cadaver once said, "Sure, understanding today's complex world of the future is a little like having bees live in your head. But, there they are."

My Luckiest Day Ever!

2011-09-26T14:50:00.002-04:00

She Blinded Me With Anti-Science

2011-09-24T08:39:00.007-04:00

So the boys down at the lab (the European Organization for Nuclear Research, that is) think they caught a couple of neutrinos breaking the speed limit. Clocked 'em exceeding the speed of light by 60 nanoseconds. That may not be enough to do jail time, however, as the neutrinos passed the breathalyzer test.
The Washington Post has several stories on the subject. It was dismaying to read the many anti-science comments people posted online in response to the articles. Here's an amalgam of a typical post:
"Oh, yeah, just like the so-called 'scientists' who claimed the Earth was flat! These morons don't know anything! Just like the ones who get hysterical about bogus global warming (so they can get grant money) and think humans came from monkeys. They're the ones, along with the rest of their Obama-loving socialist comrades, who are the monkeys, ha ha!"

We're so sorry, Uncle Albert

Dogs & Clogs

2011-09-22T12:03:00.003-04:00

We have a dog. My wife and kids lobbied for years to get one, but I remained steadfast in my opposition. Then, about eight years ago, my mother-in-law died (a wonderful lady she was) and in a weak moment, I succumbed to the “can we please get a dog” chorus, and so we got one. My wife was interested in getting a labradoodle, a mixed-breed labrador/poodle concoction. When I say poodle, of course, I mean a standard poodle, of average dog size, not a yappy little miniature one. I can’t imagine how a lab could mate with one of those little things, anyway, or what it would look like. (Do they artificially inseminate dogs?) Labradoodles have three advantages over other breeds, my wife said. They are considered to be smart (as poodles generally are), have calm dispositions (as labs generally do), and don’t shed their fur (as dogs generally do). The trouble is, none of the above generalizations apply to our dog. Rather, she is dumb (a common trait in labradors) and high-strung (a common trait in poodles). And about that no-shedding thing: well, it’s sort of true. She doesn’t shed fur the way my brother-in-law’s golden lab does; that thing sheds hair every time it moves, sort of like Pigpen in “Peanuts,” who was always surrounded by a cloud of dirt. Labradoodles do indeed shed, but it’s a fine fur, each strand of which is of little consequence. The fur gathers together in dust bunny-like clumps, however, and they find their way into every nook and cranny in the house. You can sweep, dust and vacuum all day and the damn things keep reappearing. The fur also ends up in the bathtub drain, which requires monthly plunging. If you need to unclog a bathtub drain, by the way, here’s a hint: cover the overflow thingie with duct tape, it’ll make for better suction when you plunge. The object is to suck stuff up out of the drain, so the “pull” is more important than the “push.” You want to create a vacuum into which all that nasty gunk will get sucked into, and it will emerge out the drain hole from the murky depths. What I pull out is a long, black strand of primordial goo that would probably evolve into a living organism if I gave it a chance. Hmmm… add with a little water, methane, ammonia, and hydrogen … mix together in a flask … zap in a few sparks of electricity … voila! The building blocks of life! Perhaps it’s unfair to blame the drain clog completely on the dog. I have but a few wisps of hair on my head, but my wife and kids are blessed with densely-populated scalps—so they, too, play a part. More fun, though, to blame the dog! Still, the dog is part of the family, and we lover her in spite of her kookiness. After all, she’s the one who runs to the door when I come home from work, wags her stubby tail, jumps up on me, and … covers me in fur.

Deep Thoughts

2011-09-06T12:21:00.000-04:00

The Wit and Wisdom of Michele Bachmann

"No one that I know disagrees with natural selection -- that you can take various breeds of dogs ... breed them, you get different kinds of dogs. It's just a fact of life. Where there's controversy is (at the question) 'Where do we say that a cell became a blade of grass, which became a starfish, which became a cat, which became a donkey, which became a human being?' There’s a real lack of evidence from change from actual species to a different type of species. That's where it's difficult to prove." (09/2003)

"If we took away the minimum wage -- if conceivably it was gone -- we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level." (01/2005)

"There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design." (10/2006)

"I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America?" (10/2008)

"I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence." (04/2009)

"Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas." (4/2009)

“I support intelligent design. What I support is putting all science on the table and then letting students decide. I don’t think it’s a good idea for government to come down on one side of scientific issue or another, when there is reasonable doubt on both sides." (07/2011)

"I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?' Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we've got to rein in the spending." (08/2011)

Statistically Speaking

2011-09-05T22:44:00.002-04:00

Statistics show that nine out of ten blogs are abandoned after three months of posting. Statistics also show that the majority of statistics quoted on the Internet aren't reliable. People just make 'em up. Because who needs facts, anyway? Just write any old idiotic nonsense you want, someone is bound to believe it. Anyway, the vast majority of blogs go unread so whatever I write will never be viewed by another human being. At least that's what the statistics I just made up indicate. Who wants to read somebody else's dumb-ass uninformed rantings, anyway? Christ, it's bad enough we have to listen to politicians, pundits and radio talk show hosts spouting hot air, why the hell would anyone waste their time reading John Q. Nobody's little blog about whatever goes on in his boring life? Just because you can type and post something on the Internet doesn't make you a writer, does it? Or have anything original or remotely clever to say? Of course not. Ha ha! I can rant and rave all I want, because statistics show there isn't a snowball's chance in hell anyone will read this nonsense! And I can use as many freaking exclamation points as I damn well please!!!! What, you gotta problem with that? Well, up yours, Mister Smarty-Pants!

Bucket (of Slime) List

2011-08-28T20:31:00.001-04:00

Atiyah abd al-Rahman, al Qaeda's number-two man and all-around bucket of slime, was killed in Pakistan on August 22.

No Reason to Get Excited

2011-08-26T09:21:00.001-04:00

From the Washington Post, Thursday, August 25: "Vaccines are generally safe for most people, the National Academy of Sciences has concluded, dismissing stubborn concerns about supposed links to autism and other serious health problems."

Creepy Guy Wants to Take Your Picture

2011-08-20T18:30:00.000-04:00

To Be Or Not To Be

2011-08-12T22:20:00.008-04:00

The mid-1990s were tough years for Apple Computer; Mac OS was showing its age, the Mac product line was uninspiring and its market share was getting smaller. There wasn't much to inspire Apple's True Believers. There were, however, two bright spots in the Apple universe--and both of them came from outside the walls of Apple's Cupertino headquarters.
The first was PowerComputing, which was making Mac clones (with Apple's blessing, of course). A controversy had long raged over whether Apple had missed the boat by not allowing other companies to produce Mac computers, thereby increasing its market share; the argument was that the true value lay in the Mac OS, not the machine on which it operated. After all, Microsoft made its fortune with Windows, the system that ran the huge majority of personal computers, regardless of whose name was on the hardware. The surprising thing was, Power Computing ended up making better Macs than Apple. And they had a great ad campaign, too. Here's their web site from December 1996:

The other hope on the horizon was from an upstart computer company, Be, Inc. Be was the brainchild of Jean Louis Gassée, a former Apple executive who decided to build a new computer, the BeBox, with a new operating system, BeOS. The Be system was originally designed around an AT&T "Hobbit" processor, but later developed for the PowerPC chip when AT&T pulled the plug on their product. The BeBox didn't sell that well, but development on BeOS moved ahead, and was adapted to run on Mac Power PCs. There was talk that Apple was interested in buying out Be and using the OS as the foundation for its next-generation system software.

In late 1996, PowerComputing and Be, Inc. teamed up and planned on shipping BeOS CDs with Power Computers. Here's the Be home page from December 1996:

In the end, however, their great plans came crashing down. BeOS lost out to the NeXTstep operating system, owned by none other than Steve Jobs, Apple's founder-in-exile. By mid-1997, Jobs was back in the saddle as Apple's interim CEO, and quickly canceled the licensing agreements with the Mac cloners. That was the beginning of the end of PowerComputing. Here is their web page from July 1998:

A month earlier (May 1998), Jobs introduced the iMac:

The rest, as they say, is history.

"Reply All" Redux

2011-08-06T21:48:00.001-04:00

A link to an article about how awful Donna Lewis' "Reply All" comic strip is:
http://www.comicscube.com/2011/04/tale-of-two-comic-strips.html

Welcome to the Church of Dynamology!

2011-07-25T11:19:00.004-04:00

The Church of Dynamology was founded by N. Graham Dullard, world-renowned author, philosopher, brain surgeon and cosmologist. Mr. Dullard, after a distinguished career in the United States Marines, where he earned the Presidential Medal of Valor for Distinguished Service, went on to earn his Ph.D. in Applied Cosmology and Brain Surgery at Faber College, in Muddy Creek, Florida. After graduation, Mr. Dullard penned a number of best-selling works of fiction, including the epic fantasy novel, Warriors of Planet Zeorg, for which he earned a Pulitzer Prize in literature.
He then retreated from public life for several years, during which time he devoted his energies to conduct investigations into the nature of the universe itself. He discovered many fundamental principles of nature, and based on his research, developed techniques which enabled him to harness the energy of the cosmos. He called his method of cosmic control "Dynamentalism," and the Church of Dynamology was born. His remarkable ideas were published in the most highly-regarded book of the millennium, Dynamentalism: Cosmic Mind Control. The rest, as they say, is history. N. Graham Dullard began offering courses in his astounding revelations. Thousands of seekers took class after class as they delved deeper into the incredible techniques which allowed them to achieve all they wished in life. Mr. Dullard also developed a complex bio-electrical apparatus, the "D-Ceiver," which allows one to effectively channel cosmic energy.

As Mr. Dullard explains in his book, at the creation of the universe ("The Big Bang"), two forms of energy were created. The first of these is known as Dynamic Energy, and is the source of all that is good and life-sustaining. The second form is Entropic Energy, the source of all negativity. This Entropic Energy is like chunky bits of cosmic debris that envelop our souls, and prevent us from achieving our true potential. Fortunately, N. Graham Dullard's insights enable us to pierce the veil of Entropic Obfuscation and discover True Enlightenment.
Naturally, there are those who might be skeptical of Mr. Dullard's claims. But they're just being silly. After all, many famous (and good-looking) Hollywood Celebrities are members of our Church! Shouldn't YOU be one, too? We welcome your questions concerning our Church. We also offer a "Dynamentality Test". The results of this test, when compiled by one of our Psycho-Actualizers, will provide you with an in-depth analysis of your personality and offer insight as to how YOU will benefit from Dynamentalism. As N. Graham Dullard likes to say, "Once you join the Church of Dynamology, you'll never leave!"

Spoiler Alert

2011-07-17T18:52:00.016-04:00

This morning we took the kids to see the just-released “Harry Potter And The Return Of The Sequel, Part Two.” In this film, the final installment of the series, Harry Potter confronts his nemesis, the Evil Lord Vader. Lord Vader reveals that he is Harry’s father. Then Vader, who has chopped off Harry’s hand, accidentally falls into the fiery pit of Mount Doom, clutching Harry’s Magic Ring. Harry collapses, and his spirit is transported to a light-filled netherworld where he is reunited with his mentor Obi-Wan Kenobe and the cast of “Lost.” Harry thought Obi-Wan Kenobe had been sacrificed on a stone altar by the wicked Snow Queen. Obi-Wan did, in fact, die; after a long and ultimately victorious struggle with Snow Queen, however, he was reborn as Gandalf the White Wizard. Obi-Wan/Gandalf commands Harry to return to Narnia, saying, “May The Force Be With You!” Meanwhile, that plucky little Hobbit, Ron Weasley, joins forces with Han Solo, Yoda, and Legolas at the Gates of Mordor to confront Darth Sauron and his Evil Minions. A huge battle ensues, in which the Forces of Good and Evil clash, with lots of cool special effects, many of them in 3D. In the end, Sauron’s light saber is destroyed, and his body breaks into a million little pieces, which scatter harmlessly in the wind. Harry returns in triumph, riding on the Noble Lion Aslan, to much jubulation. Han Solo is crowned King of Narnia, and weds Hermione (who is Harry’s sister). Harry, Yoda, Legolas and Obi-Wan/Gandalf ride off into the sunset on the Hogwarts Express, never again to return to Narnia. Ron fights back his tears and returns to the Shire (via the Magic Wardrobe), where he marries Rosie Cotton, and the two live happily ever after.
What a great movie!

Paradigm Bullshift

2011-07-14T21:56:00.006-04:00

Roadkill on the Information Superhighway: Value America ("The Living Internet Store"), a dot-com venture founded in 1996. As with many early online ventures, the company's business model and profit potential were overhyped. In April 1999, after Value America went public, its stock closed at $55 a share, and the business was valued at almost two-and-a-half billion dollars. Not bad for a company that was bleeding red ink. But, hey, this was more than just a business; it was a paradigm shift that would change the world! Shopping the Value America way was not only more convenient and entertaining than conventional methods, it was also more enlightening! You could shop and gain personal insight all at the same time! Despite the New Age drivel, there was a strong streak of old-time Christian evangelism running through the corporate culture. Company headquarters was frequented by the likes of televangelist Rev. Jerry Falwell and Christian Coalition director Ralph Reed. Bill Bennett (former Reagan cabinet member and Book of Virtues author) was on the board of directors. In the end, however, not even the weekly prayer meetings or blather about "convergence commerce" could save Value America from its eventual demise. The company filed for bankruptcy in 2000.

Three Faces of Bob

2011-07-12T20:36:00.004-04:00

Microsoft Bob

J. R. "Bob" Dobbs

Killer Bob

Independence Day

2011-07-04T13:12:00.003-04:00

Parade float with children, Washington, D.C., July 4, 1918.

Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division

Get Out of Dodge, Baby

2011-06-22T15:21:00.007-04:00

The Good News: We're leaving for the lake tomorrow morning!
The Bad News: My sister left a message on our machine that there was a "plumbing problem" at the cottage. She didn't elaborate, and I haven't been able to get a hold of her for more information.
The Good News: The Apple Store genius replaced my daughter's MacBook keyboard for free. Four of the keys weren't responding, and I was prepared to fork out big bucks to have it sent off to the Apple mothership for a replacement. As it turned out, the inner casing, which is a complete unit along with the keyboard, had a small part of the edge which had broken off. That crack is a "known issue," and therefore I was eligible for a free on-the-spot part replacement, even though the computer is out of warranty. So she can take it with her on vacation!
The Bad News: Our dog appears to be constipated (she is coming with us). The vet said to give her a couple of tablespoons of pumpkin to help her along, but not until we get to the lake. We don't want any, um, surprises on the nine-hour trip.
The Good News: Our nephew has flown in from the west coast to join us. It will be his first trip to the lake.
The Bad News: The National Weather Service says to expect thunderstorms tomorrow and friday, all along our route.
The Good News: We get to watch a fireworks display over at the lake next saturday, with no rain in the forecast.

Huzzah!

Another Pleasant Valley Sunday

2011-06-20T11:26:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was Father's Day; a "Hallmark holiday" as a friend calls it (as opposed to a "real" holiday, such as Christmas or Independence Day). I was up early, busy getting organized for our annual trek to the Lake, as we depart early Thursday morning. I managed to slip in a quick nap before everyone showed up in the afternoon to celebrate. All the children and grandson in attendance. Another grandson almost in attendance, as my eldest daughter and her husband are expecting a baby boy in early July, but in reality the kid could pop out day now. You never know, with babies; they don't stick to any schedule other than their own. Toys were strewn everywhere, lots of commotion, food, and fun. That's the way any holiday should be, particularly one celebrating the messy business of families and parenthood. My younger son was working on a class presentation, and had to be driven somewhere to meet with classmates. My son-in-law's computer was infected by a nasty virus, which cased all of the files to vanish, so my eldest son was helping him with that, as well as helping my eldest daughter with her Statistics homework (this is the last class she needs for her degree). My younger daughter was busy keeping the grandson entertained, and my wife and I were trying to prepare the food, clean dishes, and keep our crazy dog out of everyone's hair. A good time was had by all (well, at least by me). I received a copy of Unbroken, the new book by Laura Hillenbrand. All I have to do now is find the time to read it.

Don't Move...

2011-06-16T16:10:00.000-04:00

I just read that Ayman al-Zawahiri has been named the new leader of al Qaeda.

Major Bummer

2011-06-15T09:54:00.002-04:00

I read today that the groovy Eee Note EA800 will not be sold outside of Taiwan. (The article is here.)
I am, like, majorly bummed, dude.

The Wayback Machine

2011-06-13T21:15:00.002-04:00

Some of you may remember the Wayback Machine from "The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show," in which Mr. Peabody and his boy Sherman would travel back in time. Here is a still from the old cartoon:

Mr. Peabody and his boy Sherman

A new Wayback Machine available, this time on the Internet, with which one may go back in time without the need of a brilliant, bespectacled dog as a guide. You're not going to be able to meet Ponce de Leon or Geronimo, as Mr. Peabody and Sherman did, but you can peer back into the history of the Internet, and see archives of Web pages from long ago. Something only a real nerd (like me) could appreciate. Click here to explore. Admittedly, it is less than perfect, some sites are mere ghosts of what they were back in the early years of the Information Superhighway. Below is an example of what you can view:

aol.com, December 1996

Evil Washington Bureaucrats

2011-06-12T07:17:00.004-04:00

The Electronic Payments Coalition, a lobbying group representing banks and credit unions, (i.e., credit and debit card issuers) was unsuccessful in their effort to block legislation in the Senate which will set a limit on the amount the banks can charge retailers for each and every debit card transaction. The cost of those swipe fees are ultimately paid by the consumer in the form of higher retail prices. The Coalition ran a cynical ad campaign, which framed the issue as the Evil Washington Bureaucrats vs. Individual Freedom:

Even better if you can make them out to be Evil Commie Bureaucrats:

The same argument is used to frame any number of issues; Bureaucrats want to take away your right to [fill in the blank]! A pretty good argument, right? In many cases, however, the sponsors of campaigns such as this don't give a damn about your freedom; they are simply corporations protecting their rights to screw you over.

Smile

2011-06-10T09:41:00.000-04:00

Have a nice day!

Summer in a Bottle

2011-06-08T16:31:00.011-04:00

   Back in the 1960s, when I was a kid, Summertime meant one thing: the family's annual trip to my Grandparent's summer cottage on small lake in Michigan. One of the great pleasures of those long, lazy summer days at the cottage was walking down to the local general store to buy candy, comic books, and a pop. Usually, "pop" meant Vernors Ginger Ale, which was bottled in Detroit. It not widely distributed widely outside the state, so when we were in Michigan we consumed the stuff in great quantities. "Deliciously Different!" was the Vernors slogan, and they claimed their ginger ale was aged in oak barrels. It was golden yellow in color (not pale, like Canada Dry); very sweet, with a strong ginger flavor; and highly carbonated. Upon your first sip from a glassful of Vernors, you had to be careful; the bubbles had a tendency to get in your nose and throat, causing you to sneeze (or at least cough). It was always fun to watch someone breathe in a face full of carbonated bubbles and then sneeze back into their glass and blow ginger ale all over themselves.
   Vernors Ginger Ale is still available, and distributed nationally. It is now sweetened with corn syrup instead of sugar, and hard to find in glass bottles. No longer sold by the Vernor's family, it is now owned by the Doctor Pepper Snapple Group. The brand can still claim the title of America's oldest surviving soft drink; it was invented by Detroit pharmacist James Vernor in 1866.
   The summer cottage is still in the family, and we still make the annual pilgrimage, although now only for a week rather than the entire summer. When I am there, I sit on the dock overlooking the lake, pop open a Vernors, and think fondly of the long summer days of my youth.

Vernors: Deliciously Different!

Head in the Clouds

2011-06-07T11:52:00.002-04:00

Steve Jobs is planning on transferring his consciousness to iCloud right before he kicks the bucket. Then we, his devoted followers, can download his virtual brain to our various Apple devices. Thus his Reality Distortion Field (RDF) will live on in each of us.

Dismal World

2011-06-01T16:52:00.016-04:00

   Many years ago I attended a church service wherein the minister, in his sermon, favorably compared Disney World to Heaven. And today I found a blog entry in which someone wrote, "I can’t imagine a place on earth that could feel more like Heaven than Disney World." In another blog, someone who, upon arrival at the Magic Kingdom, was greeted with a "lovely parade of Disney friends." The writer goes on to say: "In a weird way, it reminded me of what heaven must look like each time a saint is welcomed home. Can you picture that? Instead of the Disney gang welcoming the new residents, it would be Jesus, Moses, Abraham, Peter, Paul, David, and John. The parade winds through the streets of gold, through heaven's gates, right up to the throne of God! The angels sing, the saints dance, and God welcomes us home. It is a fantastic celebration!"
   Well, Disney World may have some heavenly attributes, but there are a few things about the place which I think are downright hellish. I think of Disney World as one great big ride on which a giant mouse picks you up by the ankles, turns you upside down and shakes free your wallet and all the loose change from your pockets. For starters, parking is $14 a day. The entrance fee for The Magic Kingdom alone is $74 for kids ages 3 to 9, and those ten and older pay the adult fare, $82. If you include the "Park Hopper® Option," which allows you to visit Epcot, Hollywood Studios and Animal Kingdom, the entrance fee jumps to $128 for the nine-and-under set and $136 for everyone else. Throw in the "Water Park Fun & More Option," and prices soar to $182 and $190, respectively. Once you are inside, you can expect to pay ridiculously inflated prices for everything. You can easily shell out $40 a day per person. Wow, are we having fun yet?
   Realistically, it will take more than a day to see and do everything, so you'll need to buy multi-day tickets (which lowers the cost per day), or consider the dizzying array of Disney vacation packages.
   Once inside, you have to contend with long lines for everything--a wait to get on a popular attraction can be an hour or longer. You can bypass the system, sort of, by getting a ticket for a later entry time on certain rides; this frees you to stand in another line elsewhere in the park to buy food or souvenirs, perhaps. There are a few attractions, such as the "Carousel of Progress," that are so out-of-date and clunky that there are no lines to speak of. The time we went, the thing shut down half way through and was rebooted. We had to sit through the same animatronic nightmare twice. On another visit, a similar incident occurred on The Pirates of the Caribbean ride. That time, at least, no rebooting was required, but we were stuck on our little boat watching the pirates chase the wenches around and around and around and around... That brings me to the other hellish aspect of the place: you are their prisoner. If a ride breaks, you are out of luck. You spend hours being herded through labyrinthine-like pens, like cattle to the slaughter (okay, that's a little over the top). There is also the annoying Disney branding of everything; there's no escaping it, until you finally drive off the parking lot. No getting away from the mobs of people, either.
   Around every corner, too, is another enticement to spend money. The worst is on "Main Street," which you pass through upon your arrival and departure. Shops overflowing with an endless array of Disney tie-in merchandise. And if you stay late to see the fireworks (which you should, to get your money's worth), Main Street is crawling with street vendors selling even more overpriced trinkets. I imagine, by that time, sales resistance is at a low point and people load up on all sorts of junk.
   I never leave a Disney park without feeling slightly annoyed, like I've been taken for a sucker. Not exactly a heavenly feeling, I must say. On the whole, I'd rather be fishing. Or at home cutting the grass.

Paging Rex Morgan, M.D.

2011-05-31T13:36:00.004-04:00

On May 28, Richard Thompson won the Reuben Award for Outstanding Cartoonist. Why his strip "Cul de Sac" didn't win the award for best cartoon remains a mystery. It lost to out to “Dustin” by Jeff Parker and Steve Kelley, according to The Washington Post's online "Comic Riffs" column. Oh, well, there's always next year.
While reading up on this, I came upon an interview by another cartoonist, Peter Dunlap-Shohl, who, like Thompson, has Parkinson's Disease. Shohl has a blog in which he writes (and draws) about the disease. Shohl was a political cartoonist for The Anchorage Daily News. His personal blog, Frozen Grin, has some great stuff, including a macabre series of illustrations entitled "Dance of Death."

If I Were King of the Forest

2011-05-29T21:17:00.005-04:00

If I were in charge around here, I would throw out the current income tax structure and replace it with a flat tax model. Here's how it would be, my loyal subjects: The amount owed by everyone 18 years of age and up would be 30 percent of one's total income (under 18, no income tax would be owed). However you make the money--through hard work, gambling, inheritance, gifts or investments, you owe the government 30 percent of the total. No minimum on taxable income, either; if you make one dollar in a given year, you owe the IRS thirty cents. There would be no additional taxes collected, i.e., Social Security (that would be taken out of the 30 percent). No deductions or exemptions for anyone, either. You get taxed on your total income, with no allowances made for age, marital status, number of children, mortgage interest, or medical condition.

The good news is, filling out your tax forms would be a piece of cake. Your employer would deduct the 30 percent of your income, and send it to the IRS. Banks and investment firms would do the same thing, and the deductions would be reported to you on a year-end statement. The only time you would have to do any paperwork yourself is if you received money through gifts, inheritance or gambling, in which case you would have to keep records of those transactions, and set aside thirty percent of your proceeds for the tax collector.

For businesses and the self-employed, you would of course be taxed only on your profit, so you would still need to keep records of business expenses. There would be no allowances for depreciation of equipment; those expenses would be deducted in total in one tax year. But forget about those tax breaks and subsidies. No more deductions for growing corn, or not growing anything, or research into alternative energy, no loopholes of any kind.

For charitable, religious, social, educational, or cultural institutions, sorry--you gotta pay up, too. No more free rides. So if you collect a million bucks for your church, orchestra, charity, museum, or college, and you show a profit at the end of the year, you owe taxes. Just like everybody else.

So that's it. You don't like it? Too bad--I'm the King!

L'Etat, c'est moi!

Getting Warmer...

2011-05-24T15:22:00.003-04:00

OK, one more update on the portable digital sketchpad: ASUS, a company based in Taiwan, has released a product they call the Eee Note EA800. It has an eight-inch, 64-level grayscale display with a resolution of 1024 x 768. It comes with a stylus capable of 256 levels of pressure, and runs on Linux OS. It is currently available in Taiwan and soon will be sold in the U.S. for @ $200. Maybe in time for my birthday.

Folkways

2011-05-24T09:22:00.004-04:00

   I am happy to report that the old Folkways record label lives on at the Smithsonian Institution. Folkways was founded in 1948, and released over 2,000 albums. According to the Smithsonian, the recordings "included traditional, ethnic, and contemporary music from around the world; poetry, spoken word, and instructional recordings in numerous languages; and documentary recordings of individuals, communities, current events, and natural sounds." In 1987, the Smithsonian acquired the Folkways catalog, and almost all the titles are still in circulation.
   Folkways records rode the wave of the American folk music revival in the 1950s and 1960s; one of their artists was Pete Seeger, who made some records for children, of which I have fond memories. Now that I have a grandson (and another on the way), I think I'm going to indulge myself and buy a few CDs.
   Here's one of the original album covers, from a 1957 release:

One of the songs from the record:

There Was a Man and He Was Mad

There was a man and he was mad,

And he jumped into the pudding bag.

The pudding bag, it was so fine,

That he jumped into a bottle of wine.

The bottle of wine, it was so clear,

He jumped into a bottle of beer.

The bottle of beer, it was so thick,

He jumped into a walking stick.

The walking stick, it was so narrow,

That he jumped into a wheelbarrow.

The wheelbarrow began to crack,

He jumped onto a horse's back.

The horse's back began to break,

So, he jumped into a chocolate cake.

The chocolate cake became so rotten,

That he jumped into a bag of cotton.

The bag of cotton caught on fire

And blew him up to Jeremiah.

Poof!

Whole Lotta Shakin'

2011-05-22T19:03:00.005-04:00

   Today's Washington Post Sunday Magazine has an article about cartoonist Richard Thompson, creator of the great comic strip "Cul de Sac." Thompson is a nominee for National Cartoonists Society’s Reuben Award for cartoonist of the year. Among his admirers are cartoon greats Bill Watterson, Pat Oliphant and Gary Trudeau. Watterson, creator of "Calvin and Hobbes," says "the strip has a unique and honest voice, a seemingly intuitive feel for what comics do best."
   Thompson, who is 53, was diagnosed in 2008 as having Parkinson's Disease, a neurological disorder characterized by a loss of coordination, increase in muscle rigidity and tremors. In the early stages, the disease can be treated with drugs which compensate for the body's lack of dopamine, a neurotransmitter which regulates movement and mood. As the disease progresses, the effectiveness of the drugs wanes. The next step for some patients is a procedure known as deep brain stimulation (DBS) in which wires, attached to pacemakers placed under the collarbones, are inserted into targeted areas in the brain. Miniscule electrical charges, calibrated by a device that looks like a small TV remote control, are sent into the brain. Miraculously, the tiny charges provide an immense benefit in controlling patients' symptoms.
   My Mom had Parkinsons' Disease for many years, and elected--fairly late in life--to have the deep brain surgery. The operation was successful, and gave her a degree of mobility she would otherwise have lacked.
   The National Parkinson Foundation and the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research are nonprofit organizations dedicated to raising awareness of the illness as well as promoting research into the causes of--and cures for--Parkinsons' Disease. Let's hope a real cure is within our grasp.

Billions and Billions of Bucks

2011-05-20T12:27:00.007-04:00

I have seen a number of online ads, from a group calling itself the Electronic Payments Coalition, with a headline that reads: "Your Debit Card is About to Get More Expensive" (see image below). Click on the ad, and read all about it.

"As a result of a new regulation on debit cards issued by the Federal Reserve, YOU could see:

Higher fees on your debit card
Reduced rewards
New debit card restrictions

The regulation, which reduces the cost that merchants pay to accept debit cards, will give the nation's largest 2% of retailers a $12 billion windfall — and will leave debit card users like you to foot the bill.

Congress needs to act now to stop the rule, before debit card users are forced to pay more."

Of course, the Coalition members are the banks who distribute the debit cards, and are the very same people who set the "swipe fees"--one or two percent of each transaction. (Credit card fees are two to three percent, and banks make even more money on those transactions in the form of interest accumulated by consumers.) At the moment, the retailers pay the fee, but they in turn raise prices on goods sold, so it is the consumer who is really paying the price. No small amount, either; in 2008, the fees amounted to $48 billion paid to banks by retailers. In an effort to rein in the one-way cash flow, there is a bill in Congress which would establish limits on how much the debit card issuers could charge per transaction. Of course, the banks don't want that to happen, and are using scare tactics to make people think that legislation would somehow increase the cost of debit transactions. In reality, of course, the only ones "forcing debit card users to pay more" are the debit card companies themselves.

Can you say, "steaming pile of horse manure"?

In Search of the Holy Grail

2011-05-19T08:48:00.010-04:00

Now that it appears the NoteSlate (linked to their facebook page because their Website is down) isn't going to materialize any time soon, I am again searching for what I have dubbed the portable digital sketchbook (PDS) that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. I happened upon this article at Endgadget dated May 31, 2010 describing something called an Eee Tablet (shown below), with a $200-$300 price range. It appears to have a grayscale display. The only problem is, the shipping date for the product was September 2010, and I couldn't find any such item for sale. The company behind the elusive product is ASUS (Japanese I think), and they list two tablet devices on their Website. One is the Eee Pad Transformer TF101, which is an iPad-like device--no stylus, and it runs on Android 3.0. The other is the Eee Slate EP121, which is more promising. It uses a stylus, has a 12.1" color screen, has an Intel processor and runs on Windows 7 (maybe some genius will get it to work on the Mac OS). The only catch is, it sells for about $1,000. Cheaper than the Modbook, to be sure.

Yet another nonexistent electronic device?

Commies vs. Nazis

2011-05-18T10:37:00.017-04:00

You know the type of poster, right? You read an article online, and glance at the comments. Some are reasonable, both pro and con. Others, however, are like these:

"The Rethuglikans show absolutely no desire to find a solution to just about anything."
"Obama and his Administration are of a Demonic Nature. Obama is what we call the Anti-Christ. Deny Obama and you will Destroy him. Look and you will understand what he is trying to do to America."
"Republicans are being driven over the cliff by reckless, destructive nihilist teabaggers. Unfortunately for the real Americans and our country, they threaten to drag us all with them."
"I say get rid of anyone that wants to stop our Communist community organizer [Obama, I presume] from borrowing us into oblivion."
"CONSERVATIVE CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE AMERICAN PEOPLE MUST STOP!"
"Obama's wants to cause the US to default for his own political gain. Why aren't we throwing Obama into a prison cell?"
"The right wingers in this country have too much power. That is troublesome mainly because these people are insane. Their insanity is analogous to the insanity of the Nazis in Germany in the 1930s."
"How DARE you use that Gang of 6 epithet. That is a Chinese Communist originated name. Calling a group of US PAtriots that! You Left Wing post-morons"

The above are comments from a May 17 Washington Post article on the bipartisan "Gang of Six" senators working on the national debt. Absolutely brilliant, eh? I mean, you expect this sort of nonsense when you go to a politically skewed forum where they rant about LIBTARDS and/or WINGNUTS. But no, these guys are like kudzu, and have spread to every corner of the Internet.

Twenty-one Years Behind the Curve

2011-05-17T14:41:00.005-04:00

   I finally watched "Twin Peaks," courtesy of Netflix. The two-hour pilot originally aired on ABC-TV in April 1990, which means I'm 21 years behind the curve. Who knows? maybe some day I'll watch "The X-Files," "Lost" and "24."
   There are 30 episodes altogether; the program only lasted two seasons. And it ended without wrapping up much of anything. The last episode ends in a cliffhanger, never to be resolved. Frustrating, but appropriate, given the general weirdness of the show. In "Twin Peaks," humor and horror go hand on hand. The various plotlines are suspenseful, silly, surreal, and stupid. Totally addictive, too. Part of the show's appeal is the evocative music written by Angelo Badalamenti. There's a simple-but-spooky four-chord motif which, along with the haunting (and also simple) slow motion visuals--an owl in the forest, pine trees blown by the wind, a traffic signal changing from green to red--leave the viewer a sense of dread.
   Not surprisingly, there are several Websites devoted to the show, and an annual Twin Peaks Festival, held in and around North Bend, Washington (where the TV series was filmed).

The obligatory "Twin Peaks" title card screen capture

The Dog Face Kid Gets Buzzed

2011-05-17T08:03:00.004-04:00

There once was a Website, buzz.mn, established by the Minneapolis Star Tribune in 2006. It was a site where members could create blogs, post announcements, share photos, and catch up on local news and events. The attractive site was created by talented designer Jaime Chismar. Equally talented author James Lileks, who has been an Internet presence since the early days (1995), became the site's editor in June 2007 (he writes a column for the Star Tribune). Lileks is a very entertaining writer--although I don't share his conservative political outlook--and the reason I learned about buzz.mn in the first place. There was some concerrns expressed by local pundits regarding Lileks' appointment as buzz.mn's editor; read this, for example. The site was a friendly place to visit, even though I have no connection to the Twin Cities (or Minnesota for that matter). Then, in 2009, the Star Tribune announced it would close the site. Perhaps it didn't generate the buzz they hoped it would. One problem was the community news angle was grossly neglected--there was a "Local Headlines" section of the site, in which the headlines (over at least a two-year stretch) were never updated! The site lingered for some time, abandoned and unsupervised, with occasional posts from members. Then it vanished. If you type in the URL now, you will go to a page of the same name, but it is a sad, lifeless place. Here's what it looked like back in 2009, right before the axe fell:

The old buzz.mn

Which brings me to the Dog Face Kid (DFK). At the top of the buzz.mn Website, there was a rotating selection of images: the good people of Minnesota playing chess, fishing, kicking a soccer ball, sailing, dancing, and so forth. One of the images was of a kid with his (or her) face painted as a dog. It was a little creepy and became a joke of sorts among some of the buzz.mn posters. I made some composite images in Photoshop, merging the DFK with other photos from the site. Here's an example:

Creepy!

And here, for the record, is the original DFK:

The Dog Faced Kid

Scamentology

2011-05-10T13:57:00.012-04:00

I'm certain the Church of Scientology is not happy about the publication of this article ("The Apostate" by Lawrence Wright) in the February 14, 2011 issue of The New Yorker magazine. The article tells the story of ex-Scientologist Paul Haggis, an Oscar-winning screenwriter/director who wrote "Crash" (which he also directed) and "Million Dollar Baby." He was a member of the Church of Scientology for 34 years, and an Operating Thetan Level 3 (which is to say pretty high up the ladder); he resigned in 2009. On The New Yorker website, there are also source documents--such as Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard's university transcripts and Naval service records--which indicate Hubbard's own accounts of his educational and military achievements were greatly inflated.

Creepy! L. Ron Hubbard, LIFE Magazine, 11/15/1968

Here's a Tip

2011-05-09T18:43:00.004-04:00

In Virginia, restaurants need only pay servers who receive tips $2.13 an hour (the federal minimum). Approximately 90% of restaurant workers don't receive health benefits, nor are they provided paid days off if they are ill (The National Restaurant Association has fought required paid sick leave). Sometimes, a percentage of their tips is given to bussers, greeters, and bartenders. As a long-ago waiter myself, I say give 'em a break (and the benefit of the doubt), don't be a cheapskate, tip 20%!

FreeHand Isn't Free

2011-05-09T14:57:00.008-04:00

   In 1998, FreeHand--a vector drawing application similar to Adobe Illustrator--was developed by the Altsys Corporation. Altsys licensed FreeHand to the Aldus Corporation, who owned the page-layout program PageMaker. I first used FreeHand version 3, and found it more user-friendly than Illustrator. In 1994, Adobe bought Aldus, mostly to get its hands on the page layout program Aldus had been developing behind the scenes to replace the faltering PageMaker, which had been losing market share to Quark XPress. Altsys sued Aldus, contending that the company didn't have the right to sell FreeHand, and ownership of the program reverted to Altsys. Then, in 1995, Altsys was bought by the software developer Macromedia, best known at the time for a multimedia authoring tool. Under Macromedia's ownership, FreeHand's capabilities were expanded, making it even more of a head-to-head contender to Illustrator. Then, in 2005, the plot thickened (again)--Adobe acquired Macromedia, as a way of getting the two jewels in Macromedia's crown: the multimedia program Flash and the web-design program Dreamweaver. FreeHand was once more in Adobe's hands. It is no surprise that Adobe left FreeHand out in the cold. They continue to sell the product, but as stated on Adobe's Website, "No updates to FreeHand have been made for over four years, and Adobe has no plans to initiate development to add new features or to support Intel-based Macs and Windows Vista." FreeHand is doomed to eventual obsolescence.
   There is a glimmer of hope, however, for those of us who still use FreeHand. There is an organization, Free FreeHand, whose quixotic mission is to get Adobe to provide updates to current users (for a reasonable upgrade fee). If Adobe won't agree to that, they want the software giant to "release FreeHand code and licensing to the opensource community [or another private interest] for maintenance and further development for an agreed-upon price." On May 3, 2011, the group "filed a civil antitrust complaint in the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California against Adobe Systems, Inc."
   It will be interesting to see what happens! I think that Quark, Inc. should buy FreeHand, which would make them a bigger competitor in the graphics field. (InDesign, which replaced PageMaker as Adobe's page layout application, is now more popular than the once-dominant Quark XPress.)

The Macromedia FreeHand 5.5 splash screen featuring a naked, neutered blue man.

Vaporware?

2011-05-07T14:55:00.010-04:00

When I heard for the first time that Apple was going to create a tablet computer, I had high hopes. I anticipated a device that would run on the Mac OS, and come equipped with a pressure-sensitive stylus. I was hoping to load Adobe Photoshop and use the thing as an electronic drawing pad. No such luck! The iPad, of course, is more like the iPhone. No Mac OS, no Photoshop, and no stylus. Yes, there are paint programs available for it, but you can only use you finger to paint with--or a big fat-tipped third-party pen, with no sensitivity to variable pressure. There's a company, Axiotron, which will convert a MacBook to such a device (called the Modbook). It's a clever idea; they marry the Mac to a Wacom tablet, but it's too expensive--the cost of the MacBook itself, plus a grand or so to convert it. I've been searching the Internet for a cheaper solution, but so far no luck. While searching, however, I came across something else: The NoteSlate. It doesn't come close to what I had in mind, but is nonetheless an intriguing product. It is, as the company's Website says, an "intuitively simple monochrome paper like tablet device." You can draw or write on the display screen (A5-size) and save the results. Sounds like what I was looking for--without the color, the Mac operating system, or Photoshop, that is. On the plus side, the thing sells for only $99! Or, it would sell for that, if it actually existed. The company, located somewhere in Eastern Europe, at one point stated on its Website that the NoteSlate would be "widely available" in June. I think the date has been moved back; I don't see that statement on the site anymore. Too bad, it would have made a great Fathers Day gift for me. Who knows? Maybe the thing is vaporware. I hope it's the real deal.

Noteslate: Is it for real?

The Funny Pages

2011-05-05T14:10:00.017-04:00

There are still some good comic strips in print. Richard Thompson's Cul De Sac is every bit as great as the dearly-departed Calvin and Hobbes. There are other decent ones, too: Baby Blues, Barney & Clyde, Brewster Rockitt, Dilbert, Doonesbury, Frank & Ernest, Mutts, Prickly City, and Zits. Those are the ones I read daily in The Washington Post. There were a few others which are no longer available in print, but I read on the Post Website: B.C., Liberty Meadows (reprints), Piranha Club, Red and Rover, and Zippy the Pinhead.
Most other strips are fair-to-mediocre, worth an occasional glance. There are two, however, which are abominably bad, and are a complete waste of ink and newsprint: Close to Home and Reply All. The "artists" of these strips--John McPherson and Donna Lewis, respectively--are so horribly incompetent, they make Cathy Guisewite (of the now-defunct comic Cathy) look like Leonardo da Vinci by comparison. Close to Home, which has been around for years, is a one-panel job harmlessly tucked away in the bottom corner of the page, so I am rarely bothered by it. Reply All, new in 2011, is a different story altogether. It is placed smack-dab in the middle of the Comics page, and therefore unavoidable. The images are crudely drawn (if that's the word for it) on a computer, in what must be a raster-based program such as MS Paint. There is much cutting and pasting involved, and the characters' generic poses and blank expressions remain the same from panel to panel. The backgrounds are filled with extraneous details, and the overall effect is sloppy and muddled. Are the strips at all funny? Who knows--who cares! I can't get past the crappy "art."

Aaaack! "Reply All" is so bad, even Cathy hates it!

Chock Full o' Nuts

2011-05-04T10:47:00.015-04:00

   Check out Steve Van Nattan's Website and tell me he's not a complete loony toon: http://www.blessedquietness.com/journal/balaam.htm
   Here's a typical piece of nonsense from the site: "If you do not burn your NIV, NASB, New KJV, or whatever other slop hog filthy piece of excretion you are reading instead of the King James Bible, YOU ARE GOING TO HELL."
   Priceless, eh? So that Bible you're reading--that's right, buddy, I'm talking to you--is a "slop hog filthy piece of excretion!" And, by the way, you're going to hell! But don't take my word for it; go to this page and read all about it.
   Here's another sample, from an essay written by his daughter Mary, in which she proclaims that C.S. Lewis was "the devil's wisest fool": "The Chronicles of Narnia are one of the most powerful tools of Satan that Lewis ever produced."
   Discussed elsewhere in the site are the evils of: Catholicism ("the Whore of Rome"), vegetarianism, interracial marriage, Calvinism, "Jack-Boot Baptists," "The feminizing of men in the Lord's church," Christmas, Barack Obama, Harry Potter, pushy women, the theory of evolution, and so on, ad nauseam.

Reading the wrong edition of the Bible? You'll end up like these poor suckers!